Post of the day....

What I'm going to aim to do this month.....

Aim to exercise...yeah you read it right....I am truly, legitally going to try to exercise....

Keep eating right...jesus you peeps must be falling out of your chair!!! Yes...yes...not only exercise but EATING right...I've actually been doing this??  Crazy eating those three meals a day and not a large pizza at midnight.....But damn those za's be good.....

More dates with my dates with my kids....enough said

More time with my kids...enough said

Find other job opportunities....yes I like my job but I should love my job....

Hmmmmmm.....what else??? 

Oh yeah...celebrate that damn bday.....in a bang up style, with a first time photo shoot for a competition...Thank you for photoshop or whatever God's gift he is going to use to make it look good....

Life be good... ; )

2015.....

Hello....ya'all.....

All two of ya....

So Easter....

And yeah...it's Easter....

So now on to me... (Sorry big guy I know this is your day....and I truly get this....)

Now again, on to me.....

So yes there has been some changes....and for the good....

I no longer think of him....

I no longer care for him...

For a solid 5 months....nada...

Nothing....

I'm good...

No I'm great....

I'm here, and I'm so moved on...

Finally in my life...

I've waited soo so long for this...

Only the closest to me know how deep and how painful this has been and they can finally, FINALLY.....see me smile and mean it...truly mean it...and love it....

LOVE IT FOLKS....

I'm happy....first time in years...

Can I get an amen???

love..it....

2015

you go girl....

so here I....am....

funny how life is so unpredictable...but yet amazings...

lots of changes...

New job, kids growing up, moved a couple times and have moved on from my broken heart...

What was that?!???

yeah, I have closed the chapter, I have started to move on from my broken heart....

Doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt

Doesn't mean I still don't miss the asshole...

What it does mean is I have now stopped thinking or wanting that...

Which folks is huge...

Now if I can ever get time in my social life....that would be awesome...

But for now...

You go girl...

New........

There is nothing really to say.....its a new year and yes I said this before, but yes it's a different year.

I've finally changed.

I've finally done it....

I'm finally me...

I am one....

And it feels amazing....

ipso - facto

'ip·so fac·to

ˈipsō ˈfaktō/

 

adverb: ipso facto

 

by that very fact or act.

"the enemy of one's enemy may be ipso facto a friend"

 

 

 

So let's begin here.....there are things in life that you plan, expect or predict....sometimes good and sometimes bad....I'm the type that has had a hard time dealing with "control".....

 

I hate not feeling like I have control of the situation.....

I hate not feeling like I have control of the emotion....

 

It's a roller coaster at times....

 

For example.....My daughter went to college...knew it was going to happen (planned) knew it was going to be tough and I would bawl like a baby (expected) and I knew that she would love it (predicted)......and it's all good so far....but yet it's hard to let go of she's my baby....she's part third of my world and it's hard to not have that everyday say so of her life....

 

Things in my life are changing.....and it's good changes but it's just some changes that I can't control and I wish to hell I would know how to handle some of the situations better....so  I don't just throw up my every thought at times....or that I would tell my thoughts better at times.....

 

Life is changing

Feelings are changing

 

Ipso facto

Times of the new......

Dear One Reader......

Soooooo......it's been a little bit....not too long like it sometimes has been but a little bit.....

Words to the wise....and I have some instructions for you....yes me with the FUCKED up life and the worse, I can say the WORST judgement e-va.....yes me....I have some instructions for you....

Number One....Love you....be you....I found this out too late...when that person that you love is with you and they can't or won't love you for who you are or what you are.....it's not love it's control...it's them wanting something that's not you....BE YOU.....

Number Two....Don't fix don't be a fixer....Leave that fucking bullshit to Bob the Builder or to Wreck it Ralph's sidekick Felix the Fixer.....It's not that difficult to love someone....it's not.....it's not rocket science, you love someone....it's simple...it's pure...it's nonjudgemental.....that's what true love is....it just happens.....

Number Three...Be happy....simple...happy....you need to not have to make anyone happy but you....it's about being equal and not having to just please one....it's a team thing....

And it happened....

So it happened.....

It finally happened....

Thru all the damn tears, the months of waiting, the hours wasted......it happened.....

I let go....

I know to my maybe one or two readers you're throwing the bullshit flag on this, but it truly happened.....

It's official.....


I stayed too long, I fought too hard, I cried too much, I ruined way too many friendships, I hurt a lot of people.....for what? For someone who threw me away like garbage and I had some mission that I would make him love me....make him think I was of value......


It wasn't him.....

I didn't need him.....

I needed me....

And it was hard to find me after a lot of years of emotional, verbal and some physical abuse....but I found me....

It didn't happen over night....or even in days....it took a long....lloooooooooonnnngggg time for me to get it...to realize that I needed no one but me....I have to love me, I have to think I'm of value....not him....me.....

I'm good....
I'm happy....

I smile now....quite a bit actually....

I laugh more....

I only cry at sappy movies....

I love my children more....

I'm good....
I'm happy....

It happened....