Here it goes...

A week ago Monday my life changed....

The way I think won't be the same...

I know everyone goes through pain, hurt, confusion, guilt and sorrow in their life....

I know you don't get someone back no matter how hard you want or pray....

I wrote a story last Thursday morning...October 6th and read it to a crowd of around 200...I never once looked up into that crowd....when I was finished I had many people come up to me and tell me how proud they were, or how strong I was.....I didn't feel strong....I didn't feel one thing....

I thought I was moody before....oh dear Lord, my emotions and moodiness has me believing that I need to find a padded cell and a straight jacket for myself some days just so I don't hurt anyone....oh and if by the chance of one in a million Amanda from Family Festival Films who was the telemarketer that called last Friday to my parents house...I'm still not sorry that I called you a fucking bitch....seriously if any of you that know me reading this thought I was going to apologize, shame on you.....Amanda was a serious bitch and deserved all the yelling that I gave to her and yes when I did talk to her manager and asked for her to be fired....I meant it....and still do....that girl needs some serious compassion lessons in life.....

i will post my speech later...it was a great tribute....

It was to my father....

It was for my father....

It was to the man that has yelled at me, loved me unconditionally, and has taught me everything that I know...

It was to the man that I would give anything to hear his voice again....

To have one last hug....

To know he was just there for me....

To say I miss him is an understatement and it's only been 9 days...216 hours....12,960 minutes....777,600 seconds....

I want my dad back and no one can do that for me....no one can make it easier for me....

I'm here now without you dad....and you know I love you so much....life isn't stopping.....pain isn't ceasing....but I know in time it will....I have to keep thinking of all the good memories....making your coffee.....and making today worth every minute....so here it goes....