How I feel

I know this isn't too tricky after knowing how depressing my blog seems to be...but hell this is where I do come when I hurt...Writing to me is my therapy and it makes me get it all out for the moment...Kinda like vomiting and you know it will make you feel better....great great visual...

Anywho back to the main event....How I feel....

Confused...as in a couple different ways...the whole crazy way of over thinking if people are telling me things or making me feel one way just so others benefit from my actions...To believe or not believe basically is what I need to think about...Do I think that someone is genuinely missing me or is it an act to make me feel a way so they come out shining....

Sad...of course sad...when isn't that one thrown in there...I'm sad a lot right now...my heart hurts...but is it because I love or I'm lonely...is it because I'm so confused on what the hell is going on...I'm thinking so...There is no closure, there is no answers, there is nothing....

Lack of control....this one is for a couple different items...I feel this because I can not control my sadness and I can not control my thoughts or the situation that I am in....I have time on my hands and I do not like it....maybe if I was in the Bahamas or something I would love it...but nope....I'm here...dealing with....I don't even know what to call it...

Pissed...This just started today...who knows it may be a good friend of mine...anger maybe my new friend...

Loneliness...obviously....

I'm just here....I feel so disconnected in so many ways...I don't want to be on my phone...I don't want to surf the web...I don't know what I want to do...

I was pissed off earlier talking to a friend...I understand them yelling at me and telling me to suck it up...I understand people that are frustrated with me...I can't help any of it...I can if I was deeply sedated or away from this mess...but you know what...when I came back there would still be this mess...there would still be this emptiness...

That's one I almost forgot...emptiness... I feel like a dark empty hole...

I want to be happy...
I want to smile...

I want to love and be loved with everything someone has...no holding back...

That's all I want...