What's not to love.....

Rock bottom, how does a person define those simple two words? Do you look at rock bottom as in there is no where to go but up or do you look at rock bottom as "oh shit....I'm doomed"

I've hit rock bottom....I've hit it and I've been trying to slowly crawl, climb, inch my way back into this world and look for forgiveness. Which by the way, I have learned to look at in a different way also.....how is it when you love someone so much and all you seek is that simple emotion of forgiveness, and you get nothing.....you get anger, frustration and hurt shoved at you. Is forgiveness that hard for some people, or am I just too easy to forgive others?

They say time helps....time heals all wounds.....I'm baffled by that also.....I'm not a believer.....I think some people choose to live in misery, they choose to be the victim, they choose their happiness.

So I've started wondering in the past weeks as my life has spiraled down like an airplane crashing to the ground.....am I lovable? Can I be loved?

I sit here and think of these positive points of what I offer and what can be loved about me:

1. My heart....I always mean well, even if it's the craziest thing at the moment, my heart is always in the right place...I'm unfortunately a people pleaser and just want to make everyone happy, some call it gullible, some call it horrible....I just want to think of it as something someone could love...



2. My friendship....I'm always here for my friends, always



3. My mothering skills.....I'm not perfect but I love the hell out of my kids, and I would do anything and everything for them....they are me, they are the best of me.



4. My strength...I feel weaker than shit right now, but Lord knows I have been through worse situations and I have always came out stronger.....



5. Responsibility.....I have a shit load.....anyone, could please please take some from me at anytime, I have taken on some situations that are not even mine, but I take them on....when someone needs me, I have to help them



6. Loyalty....maybe this goes in with friendship?!? Don't know but I'm loyal to my friends, family, husband......they are my world



7. Ownership....this may sound weird, but yes ownership....I own up to my mistakes, my fuck ups, my issues....



8. My recovery.....this process is just starting, but I feel that yes it is something to love about me....I'm trying, I have my heart on my sleeve, and I'm trying to make things right...even when I'm feeling like a huge doormat.....I'm trying


9. My Laugh....yes, my laugh....it's simple, it's pure, it's heartfelt...

So right now there are 9 reasons.....I'm hoping/sure that there are more reasons...just tough when your down and trying to climb back up.......but trust me (ha ha....) no really trust me...because I'm here...I'm starting over, and I'm going to love myself, even if there are only 9 reasons, because hell what's not to love?......