Past Tense

Mirror mirror on the wall

Tell me something that I don't know

I have so many questions....I have so many thoughts....my days now run over and all seem the same...Funny how I questioned my saneness before, now I doubt I have a sane thought or bone in my body....

I hear his voice....when I think of something I can hear it clearly....I cry because I can hear it and I cry because I don't want to ever not remember it....how his voice sounded....how his actions were...

Were...odd...were, was....all of them....it's hard to put everything into past tense...my whole lingo for my dad has changed....I have to past tense it all....

I don't understand the whole grieving process....I don't understand how I should be feeling.....

I know that I have changed my thoughts about a lot of people....my actions have changed, and sometimes I will admit it's not for the better.....

I have grown a pair....odd that it took this....but I realized that I have to be me.....I can't live my life as someone else or as what someone else wants me to be.....I'm still working on this...but I feel stronger than ever about this...it's crazy scary to change after you have tried so hard to "mold" your life for so long.....

I've learned that some people are selfish and will always remain selfish....this is for another blog post....it's in continuance of me growing a pair...but the ripples are starting and I have a great feeling the wave will be along oh too soon....

some things will not change and some things will never go past tense....I love him, and will always love him....miss you dad