So I lied.....

I had mentioned...or I had said that yes, yes I was done talking about the past and I wanted to move on and only talk about rainbows, puppy dogs, and sunshine....I lied - and I apologize right now....

I'm going to talk about it....

Not saying I need to, or I have to....

I want to...

When there are crossroads in your life and you have no one but a wall to talk to at times...or you scramble to find your sanity and pray that you are keeping it together...i remembered how much this helped me....how pouring my gut wrenching, crazy ramblings onto to this page helped....it helped me think it through and it helped me feel better....it made me feel like I had someone to talk to....that I had someone who listened to me...

I felt sane....

I felt better.....

Now I'm not saying that i'm insane right now, or sad....I just have a lot of emotions built up in me....Thoughts that are here that are trapped.....

I wonder when and who it takes to make the past go away...or ill feelings disappear....Do you have to move on in order to make it go away or is that just running away from your problems? Do you build up more resentment even though you tell yourself that you don't resent someone?

I would say I know those answers, but I don't

I would say that I'm happy - but I'm not

I would say that I know what to do, but I don't

I want love

Better yet, i want to feel love....kinda like someone feels the sunshine on a sunny day...

So I guess I did talk about sunshine....not a total liar.....