That was then....this is now....

So folks....here is the situation....

As many of you (I'd like to think that I have a large reading base so please play along with me) know I have had a shitty year...shouldn't say shitty shitty but a pretty dog gone not good year...I've been left alone, or left while others decided if I was what they wanted and during this time I was certain....no I was positive that this was what I wanted, this person was worth every little bit of stress, pain and heartbreak that I was going through....I felt alone, I felt that no one knew me like this person...no one would ever want someone as broken as me.....

Fast forward a bit....

He's back...he says he's sorry....he says he loves me....yet I don't feel like I did....I have so many resentment issues I want to scream....

Trust is gone....hurt is in its place

Faith is gone....doubt is in its place

And i wonder....I wonder everyday and night what I'm doing....why I'm doing what I'm doing....is it because I fought for you for so long...I wanted to fix what was broken...but now all that is broken is me....all that is still hurt and confused is me...

No pity party needed...I'm doing it and have done it to myself....so yes I know suck it up stop bitching and do what needs to be done to be happy...new chapter....

I never had doubt....I never wondered how I felt....

That was then....this is now.....